I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
