Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
