You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
