you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
