i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Randomize
