Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
