I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
