How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
