he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
