Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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