Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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