On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
