I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
