I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
