Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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