I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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