I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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