this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God I need to hump something, right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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