I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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