Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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