Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
