dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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