the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
