Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
