I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
