mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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