I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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