I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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