Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
