that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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