im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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