she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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