Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
