And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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