My brain says no but my pants say off.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
