Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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