That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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