Kiss
Puke
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
