Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
