I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
