Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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