Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
