Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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