So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
