remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The beer is more important than you right now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
