Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
