There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize