Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
