I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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