i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
