Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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