The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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