What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A+ Viking dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
