Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
