There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
