i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my shit smells like andre
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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