I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
