Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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