Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
