Sponge bath it is.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
