I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
