oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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