Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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