The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
