i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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