I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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