She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
