There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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