Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
