I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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