I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
