how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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