i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
