apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
