my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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