Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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