just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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