Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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