I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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