My balls are so social today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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