the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
