Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
