I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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